[LISA LEWIS]: The Am I Ok? Podcast is part of the Practice of the Practice network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you market and grow your business and yourself. To hear other podcasts like Faith Fringes, the Holistic Counseling Podcast, and Beta Male Revolution, go to the website, www.practiceofthepractice.com/network. Welcome to the Am I Ok? Podcast, where you will discover that being highly sensitive is something to embrace and it’s actually a gift you bring to the world. We will learn together how to take ownership of your high sensitivity, so you can make positive changes in your life, in the lives of others, and it’s totally okay to feel this way. I’m your host, Lisa Lewis. I’m so glad you’re here for the journey. Welcome to today’s episode of the Am I Ok? Podcast. I’m your host, Lisa Lewis. Thank you so much for tuning in. I would like to remind my listeners that I offer a free eight-week email course titled Highly Sensitive People. My email course provides weekly tools that help you feel more whole in a world isn’t exactly made for us and I show you how your sensitivity can be seen as a unique gift and how many others are just like you. To find out more about my email course. Please go to my website, amiokpodcast.com. For the month of March, I’m going to talk about spring and about spring creating new awakenings, awakenings to new insights about ourselves, whether that’s through doing therapy with a licensed mental health professional, a life coach, a mentor, a physical trainer, a nutritionist, a health coach, by journaling, by just being out in nature. I like spring. It’s one of my favorite seasons of the whole year because I feel there’s so much growth to be discovered just like the new things being born or reborn in the springtime; trees are growing new leaves, flowers are blooming, there’s birds and there’s bees. There’s bugs buzzing all around. The days are longer. The days are warmer and California, the time changes in the spring ahead and what we say fall back. So spring into something new for yourself to feel more hopeful, invigorated, and excited. In today’s topic we’re going to look at perfectionism. I’d like you to have a different relationship with perfectionism as a highly sensitive person. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my perfectionism over the years. It could be seen as, or felt like something positive and negative. Perfectionism can be linked to family conditioning and also just being highly sensitive, which is part of the personality trait, something that you were born with. When I was growing up, I remember in high school I had to really be specific about the clothes I wear. Everything had to be color coordinated, not just my clothes. Even my earrings had to match colors. The clothes I was wearing my shoes, my hair had to be just right. Things in my bedroom had to be placed. So I definitely wanted things in my life to be perfect. As a licensed mental health therapist over the years, I’ve worked with clients who described themselves as perfectionists, which can also lead to being a high achiever and living with high anxiety. I think the three of those things, perfectionism, high achiever, high anxiety, all go hand in hand. It’s either something you’re born with or you’ve learned or adapted along the way of your life. It doesn’t necessarily mean it will ever go away no matter how hard you try. So how I like to work with perfectionism is if you can’t get rid of it, then learn to live with it and have a different relationship with it so it doesn’t run your mind and your life. Perfectionism can be viewed as an asset. Like I said, at the beginning of the episode, it keeps you organized, structured, detail-oriented. You’re able to manage many projects or people at one time, like in a job or having many family members in your family to manage like children or elderly parents. You can count on perfectionist to get the job done. They may even get it done early, which is always a plus. They have integrity. They say what they mean and they do what they say. You can count on them. They won’t let you down. They are great people to have on a project at work, at school. When I’ve had other perfectionists or high achievers on a project, I really take a sigh of relief and like, woo. I know I can count on them. They’re going to get the job done. Perfectionists will go above and beyond what is called for. They set the bar really high. These are people who people seek them out for help or advice. Perfectionists don’t like to turn down anyone, but perfectionists can pay a high price for giving too much of themselves. All of these qualities that I just named are definitely pluses but these qualities can also feel like a heavy burden to carry throughout your life. Perfectionism can feel like you can never do enough, give enough, or, “I’m not enough if I don’t achieve, achieve, achieve.” It doesn’t leave much room for failure or mistakes. Perfectionism, we can set ourselves up on a pedestal or someone else may do it for us. Then we can’t fall off or feel like there’s no room to fall off. If we fall off the pedestal, then we just feel like a complete failure. We let people down including ourselves and that feels awful. So what to do about it? We need to learn how to balance our time and energy. We need to learn how to manage priorities. As perfectionists we tend to over-give with our time, love and energy and over time we will feel burned out, hate what we’re doing, want to quit our job. We will build up resentment toward our loved ones. Then relationships end, marriages end. It’s about how to balance your time and energy to others and yourself. We need to put ourselves first so we can be the person we want to be. If we are the person we want to be, then we can show up for ourselves and for other people the way that we want to show up. That feels really good inside. It feels energizing. It gives us time to be ourselves. It gives us time to enjoy things in life. For example, as a therapist, myself, I give a lot of my time to other people. I’m listening. I’m giving advice, being empathetic. I need to give enough time to my family members and also to do the things I love to do in life like hiking and traveling. Just as much of that time that I give to my clients, I need to balance my work life balance and also have time for myself. So here is some life supporting affirmations to tell yourself. “I am enough. I am worthy as I am. I am flexible. I can ask for help. It’s okay for me to make a mistake. I am perfect just the way I am.” I want to say these again, because I think they’re so important and I want you just to take them all in to your core. I am worthy as I am. I am flexible. I can ask for help. It’s okay for me to make a mistake. I am perfect just the way I am. Now, there may be times in your life where you have to give much of your time to other people or to other factors in your life. I want to walk you through this and I’m going to give you an example. So say like, you’re going back to school to finish a degree or get a degree or you’re taking care of elderly parents. You’re taking care of an estate after a loved one has died. These are situations that take more of your time than you care to give but knowing you have to do it to get where you want to go in life. When we can tell ourselves that we are going to do something that is hard and or time consuming, instead of ignore it or put it off to the side or put it in the closet, then we are shutting down a part of ourselves. We want to acknowledge and accept the hardship because it won’t be there for the rest of our lives. So you want to turn toward it and face it instead of turning it away or not looking at it. You’ll have a different relationship with yourself and it will feel better and easier. It will be for a time period in your life and you’ll do the best that you can do to meet your needs and everyone else’s needs in your life. That is important to you. Remember you are worth it. So name it to yourself. I’m going to be spending extra time right now in this period of my life and I may not be able to give as much time to myself or to other people that I really care about. I’m just going to acknowledge that to myself and to the other people so they know that I know that and they realize it and I care and I’m doing something about it and it’s not going to be that way forever. When that situation, that time period is over, then I’ll be able to give more of myself to the other people that I love, including myself. Remember you are worth it. Thank you for tuning in today. Please let me know what you thought of the episode. Send me an email to lisa@amiokpodcast.com. Remember to subscribe, rate and review wherever you get your podcast. To find out more about highly sensitive persons, please visit my website at, amiokpodcast.com and subscribe to my free eight-week email course to help you navigate your own sensitivities and to show you that it’s okay not to take on everyone else’s problems. This is Lisa Lewis reminding each and every one of you that you are okay. Until next time, be well. Thank you for listening today at Am I Ok? Podcast. If you are loving the show, please rate, review and subscribe to it on your favorite podcast platform. Also, if you’d like to learn how to manage situations as a highly sensitive person, discover your unique gift as a highly sensitive person, and learn how to be comfortable in your own skin, I offer a free eight-week email course called Highly Sensitive People. Just go to amiokpodcast.com to sign up. In addition, I love hearing from my listeners, drop me an email to let me know what is on your mind. You can reach me at lisa@amiokpodcast.com. This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. It is given with the understanding that neither the host, the publisher, or the guests are rendering legal, accounting, clinical, or any other professional information. If you want to professional, you should find one.