Do you often make excuses for people’s behavior? Have you struggled to set and enforce boundaries? Were you put in a position to care for or parent people when you were too young to manage that responsibility?
In this podcast episode, Lisa Lewis speaks about how to heal co-dependency as a highly sensitive person with Tamala Shaw.
MEET TAMALA SHAW
Tamala Shaw was diagnosed with Co-Dependency over a decade ago. Recovery has taught her to face her child and adulthood issues she has acquired along the way. It has helped her to have healthier relationships and to feel better about who she am is.
Now she wants to spread these lessons to others. It has been her honor to spread the word about how to heal from codependency and to help others share their story through Her book God Turned Mommy’s wine into water.
Visit Tamala’s website, Facebook Group, and listen to her Podcast. See also Gr8 Essentials.
IN THIS PODCAST:
- What is co-dependency?
- Education and acceptance
- Stand with your boundaries
- Give yourself grace for the mistakes
What is co-dependency?
Someone who is co-dependent is often closely – both physically and emotionally – intertwined with the emotions and behaviors of another person.
They feel what they feel and experience what they experience beyond the limits of empathy and kindness. They enmesh with each other, and lack boundaries between themselves and the other person.
This typically happens to a person when they had to care for an adult, most likely an adult or parent that struggled with addiction or emotional immaturity.
Basically, you’re a people-pleaser, and this people-pleasing trait may have come from [taking care of] someone who has had an addiction, so you’re taking care of them, or you were their caregiver.
Tamala Shaw
Education and acceptance
The first step to healing codependency is to accept that you have these patterns and behaviors and to learn more about them.
If some of the following apply to you, then consider the chance that you may be codependent, and know that you can change:
- Not putting yourself first
- Not having or enforcing your boundaries
- Making excuses for people’s poor or abusive behavior
You know, I always say that you have to see a thing in order to heal a thing. So, you have to truly recognize those different characteristics within yourself and know that … whatever it is that made you co-dependent, it’s okay … and you’re going to heal it.
Tamala Shaw
Stand with your boundaries
If you do not want to give your best “yes” to someone’s request of you, then “no” is a perfect answer. Remember that the people who value you will respect your decision, whether it is a “yes” or a “no”.
You can expect that some people will not deal well with your “no”, but that is their emotional responsibility, not yours.
When you are going through your healing, through this co-dependency, you have to communicate. You have to say, “When you do this, it doesn’t make me feel good. I’m not going to do this [anymore] because this is my boundary”.
Tamala Shaw
Give yourself grace for the mistakes
There may be times when you slip up, especially if you are new to healing your co-dependency or to setting and maintaining boundaries.
You know what, next time I’ll get it right.
Tamala Shaw
If you make a mistake and say “yes” when you would have preferred or wanted to say “no”, then give yourself grace and commit to sticking with and backing up your needs in the future.
RESOURCES MENTIONED AND USEFUL LINKS
Visit Tamala’s website, Facebook Group, and listen to her Podcast. See also Gr8 Essentials.
BOOK | Tamala Shaw – God Turned Mommy’s Wine into Water: The Journey of Alcoholism and Co-Dependency
Practice of the Practice Network
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CONNECT WITH ME
Email me: lisa@amiokpodcast.com
ABOUT THE AM I OK? PODCAST
So you’ve been told that you’re “too sensitive” and perhaps you replay situations in your head. Wondering if you said something wrong? You’re like a sponge, taking in every word, reading all situations. Internalizing different energies, but you’re not sure what to do with all of this information. You’re also not the only one asking yourself, “am I ok?” Lisa Lewis is here to tell you, “It’s totally ok to feel this way.”
Join Lisa, a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, as she hosts her, Am I Ok? Podcast. With over 20 years of education, training, and life experience, she specializes in helping individuals with issues related to being an empath and a highly sensitive person.
Society, and possibly your own experiences, may have turned your thinking of yourself as being a highly sensitive person into something negative. Yet, in reality, it is something that you can – and should – take ownership of. It’s the sixth sense to fully embrace, which you can harness to make positive changes in your life and in the lives of others.
This may all sound somewhat abstract, but on the Am I Ok? Podcast, Lisa shares practical tips and advice you can easily apply to your own life. Lisa has worked with adults from various backgrounds and different kinds of empaths, and she’s excited to help you better connect with yourself. Are you ready to start your journey?